When You’re a Lonely -Not Alone- Person

February 20, 2017

I wasn’t sure I wanted to post this one. But I’ve learned, over my years of blogging,
that the ones that are the hardest to write… are usually the most important
ones I need to share because most likely others are feeling the exact same way.
If anything, I hope you read my blog post and know that you aren’t alone in feeling this way…
and find some encouragement in that.

I love being around people. and being social. I like meeting new people.
I love having community and being a part of it.
But right now I am seriously having to consciously make the decision to be social.
Because I’m feeling this urge to just bunker down and make my own little safe space and not leave it.
I think it’s my way of protecting myself and just wanting to give up on the whole friend dating stage I’m in.
I find myself saying, well, they already have their people, I’ll just do my thing here.
I’ll put my energy into my family and work.
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I love being a mom and my kids are my people! I’m with them the most.
But they are all under the age of 8. haha. I sometimes feel like the loneliest..not alone person.
And I KNOW I’m not alone in this. I know it. and that’s the tricky part because as lonely as I feel as a mom…….
I know there are plenty of women around me that are craving the same stuff.
A person to just hang out with, that you don’t have to clean your house for, that understand
mom life but you can talk about more than that. You don’t have to stay on the surface but can
actually have conversations that are about more than your kids changing their outfits 5 million times a day.
although we need to have those conversations too. :) Community is important.
And I’ve been blessed with some amazing women in my life that know me…
and we can talk about all the things and be there for each other…
but in my current season, they are not near me.
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And so I’m here, feeling a little burnt out and tired but knowing
that I can’t just give up on friendships…… no pity parties!
I know that people have full lives, and sometimes they don’t always have room for new friendships…
but I also know there are people like me, who look like social butterflies, but
are missing out on some solid friendships.
So in Church last night, I was praying about this…and just praying that I would
have peace in this stage I’m in….and also just strength in putting myself out there.
You never know where or when you’ll meet people that you are supposed to have in your life.
I’ve experienced this before….and I know it can happen again.
So I’m just going to change my focus to how I can build community here…..what can I do to connect with people.
Maybe that’s hosting a girls’ night. or going to my MOPs meetings more often or volunteering somewhere.
I want to change my view… from how can relationships can benefit me….to how can I benefit them.
Of course we want to find people that we can do life with, as women and as families,
but maybe the bigger picture needs to be…
How can I do life, living for others? Every relationship, starting with my husband and I, I hope to lead to Him.
So I should look for those relationships with Him in mind.
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I hope that if you are feeling a little lonely and wanting friendships in your
own life, that you find a little encouragement. And that you know you aren’t a lone, so don’t live like you are.
Start up that conversation… invite those girls over… and don’t give up.
It’s ok to feel sad about not having “your people”…. but don’t give up on friendship.
It can be an amazing blessing and worth the effort.
This is my personal pep talk that I’m sharing with you.

***An Instagram follower commented this and it’s such a good thing to keep in mind.
I had to share in here. I seriously love the community I’ve found through social media.. you guys. are amazing.**
“…Follow what YOU are passionate about first and you will then find your
tribe of fellow passionate people who feel the same way, rather then just making friends with circumstances.
Be it singing, crafting, netball, whatever; find what makes your heart come alive in your own time without kids
and there will be others waiting there saying “me too!”— @claireclarke77


  • Meredith
    February 20, 2017 at 11:19 am

    After being “abandoned” by my very best friend for a different friend and now watching THEM do life together, I can 100% identify with this post. It’s easier and safer to isolate, and I usually don’t initiate for fear of imposing. When I do initiate, it’s rewarding almost every. single. time. Thanks for the reminder to reach out and invest again.

  • Claire
    February 20, 2017 at 11:42 am

    Thankyou so much for quoting me Natalie! Glad what I said spoke to you, I find it very wise advice in a world of noise and so many things!! Listen and follow your heart first and your tribe will soon turn up :-). Much love from a fellow mum finding her way in life across the pond in the U.K.!! Claire xx

  • Charlie
    February 20, 2017 at 1:27 pm

    So refreshing when people open up & show their vulnerability. You’re brave to write this Natalie & correct in thinking that it may help others to feel a little less alone.

  • Lori
    February 20, 2017 at 2:04 pm

    Many, many years ago when we moved to Texas, it was two years before someone invited us into their home. That couple became one of our best friends. When I tell the story about the two year invite. People are shocked, we were so involved at school and with the kids team sports and church. They just all assumed we had a group of close friends. It happened finally and I am blessed with a great group of friends. But, 26 years ago, quite the different story. Glad my crazy friend Diane reach out to us. It was all fun and games from there!

  • Olive
    February 20, 2017 at 2:22 pm

    I feel like this so often! Sometimes it’s just hard being a mom and wife. And then throw pastors wife on top of that and your circle gets exponentially smaller. You can only talk about so much or vent about so much when the people are members of your church. It’s hard. It’s really really hard. It’s hard not to feel lonely surrounded by tons of people. Sometimes I wish we weren’t in ministry but then again we would miss out on so much of God’s blessings when He is able to use us.

  • Samantha
    February 20, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    Oh how this spoke to me! I’m a mom of one and sometimes feel the same way. These things have a way of working themselves out before we even realize. Keep the faith.
    ~Samantha (The Bahamas)

  • Janelle
    February 20, 2017 at 6:07 pm

    Thank you for sharing! I’m in the same season, we moved to a new state 18 months ago and I’m still waiting to find the perfect groups of friends. I thought it would have happened by now but it hasn’t. It helps to know I’m not the only one who feels this way!

  • Katie
    February 20, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    I know that life in youth ministry is often a lonely road. I feel your pain. Hang in there mama!

  • Meegan
    February 21, 2017 at 12:13 am

    Thank you for sharing your heart. I’m praying for you in this time of transition. I definitely relate.

  • Katie
    February 25, 2017 at 4:12 pm

    I’m glad you wrote this because I can so relate. It’s hard to not let the mom guilt creep in when you feel lonely but are not alone. I have had struggles with finding “my people” in new places and have tried switching my perspective to how I can better connect with those in my life, too. This was a great reminder of that and comforting to read about your similar feelings and season.

    Thank you :)

  • Elisabeth
    February 25, 2017 at 11:54 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this Natalie! I have been feeling this way since becoming a stay at home mom. It’s been a tough season but I do feel better knowing I’m not alone in feeling this way.

  • Keri
    February 27, 2017 at 7:47 pm

    Absolutely loved this! I can totally relate as it has been really hard to make friends in Charleston. I have definitely had to be more of the initiator. So glad to know I am not alone!

  • Leanne
    February 28, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am a mom of a 22 month old and a 3 month old and I say it all the time that being a mom is so lonely. Im jealous of those people who have a “person” and though I would change my life since I have a wonderful husband who is my best friend and amazing children, inside I wish for those kind of relationships that I don’t have to try. So thank you for your post and reassuring us mom’s we are not alone :)