So I left the following comment on
The Busy Budgeting Mama Facebook Page
and it started a firestorm of chit chat about
how so many of us are faced with negativity when talking about a baby #3.Ā
The Busy Budgeting Mama Facebook Page
and it started a firestorm of chit chat about
how so many of us are faced with negativity when talking about a baby #3.Ā
My thing is…I just don’t understand it..I would never tell someone YOU NEED TO HAVE A BABY! haha….so I guess I don’t see why people have this passion in them to say
NO! two is enough! or HAVE ONE MORE FOR A BOY THEN THAT’S IT!….
My babies are more than a check list to me..they are people. I’ll be the first person to say some days are hard..just today ben and I were like..oook..time to convince one of the grandparents to move here..haha.Ā
But our children are such blessings to us.
And one thing i’ve learned in life…is that you don’t always see the big picture,
but God does.Ā And He has a plan for us.
Plus… I was a third baby..and if my parents didn’t have me..
I wouldn’t have my girls..etc etc..
Ā
Join the conversation
and Leave a comment below!
and Leave a comment below!
It’s pretty amazing hearing all of your stories..it shows how many of you are going through the same things! You guys are awesome for lifting each other up like this..helping me especially! I always think about how yes some days are tough but how other days are so easy..it comes in waves. and I can’t wait for the day all my kids will come over with their babies(God willing) and I can sugar them up and send them home.Ā ooh how the tables will turn. haha. ;)
Some of the mamas mentioned above have
blogs.. you can check them out below!
Jen – Imanimama.com
Valerie – Blanqi
Jeanne – The Common Sense Mama
Art for Little Hands
Creative Mommas
Megan – Our House of Pink
Jillian Vanover
October 17, 2011 at 10:43 amI’m so glad you posted this! I so needed to hear this today! My husband and I are talking #3 as well, and sometimes it’s easy to fall into the “1 boy + 1 girl + mom + dad = one happy {complete} family” mantra! This comes on the heels of our first 2 being only 13 months apart and everyone interjecting their rude comments about how close they are and “don’t we know what causes that?!” Some people just need to learn how to hold their tongue! :) Looking forward to keeping up with your journey!
Christy from fountains of home
October 17, 2011 at 10:50 amIsn’t it nuts how people can be so negative about this and not even think about it! Its as if anyone having more than two kids are completely crazy and all negativity towards it is natural.
I’m pregnant with my fourth and my oldest is 4. I waited a long time to tell people in part because there would be less time to hear people’s shocked and negative reactions. All my babies are gifts from God, and although it can be hard accepting God’s timing sometimes, its amazing what God will give you including the unbelievable gift of babies and the grace to take care of them.
KK
October 17, 2011 at 11:09 amI knew the moment I held Paul in the L&D Room that I wanted to be open to whatever God wants in our family. Life is so uncertain – but family continues to bless us as we grow. My mom is one of 7, and has lost two of her siblings – her heart breaks constantly. She always said as she was raising five children “the greatest gift you can give your children is a sibling.” My siblings continue to bless me in motherhood, making me laugh, remembering funny stories, giving me encouragement…I can’t imagine it any other way.
We had to wait for God to bless us with our son, and I think it takes courage to say “yes” to his will, but when we do, we are always blessed by the result! Think of how blessed we are that Mary said “Yes!” to Jesus.
Natalie, you are a great momma, and to think of how your marriage is witnessing love to the world through the physical reality of your children is always encouraging…and God just increases that love between you and Ben for a reason… to show how much God loves us.
Thanks for bringing to light the challenge that mommas have – in defending their babies! :)
Pams Party
October 17, 2011 at 11:22 amI have 3, and I am so glad that I did. I knew after I had two, that our family felt incomplete. But because I had a girl and a boy already, some people felt there was no reason for me to want #3. I only had one of each. One person who shall remain nameless even asked if I was having a 3rd because my mother did.. NO! I told that person that was the stupidest comment I had ever heard. I had a 3rd baby because I felt in my heart that the Lord wanted her to be born. My 3rd blessing arrived 10 years ago and we can not imagine our lives without her. It was easier for me to adjust to the 3rd than the 2nd, but the older two had each other to play with. You will feel outnumbered at times, but that’s okay! Now that my 3 are older, (14, 12 and 10) it is harder to juggle their schedules, but I know it is only for a time. If you feel that the Lord has but the desire for a 3rd baby in you, there is a very good reason for that. He must have plans for that child. Do what is right for your family, no matter what negative comments others might say.
Jenny
October 17, 2011 at 11:44 am15 weeks along with #2 and I cannot count the number of times I’ve heard ‘if it’s a girl you can be DONE!’ (My son is 13 months.) What I can’t wrap my mind around is the fact that those comments usually come on the tails of rapturous compliments and swooning over how handsome/sweet/well behaved our little guy is. Um, you just finished telling me how awesome my kid is… and now in the same breath, you’re telling me you hope I don’t have anymore like him. A little conflicted, methinks. ps Have another…or 2… your girls are precious!
Brittney
October 17, 2011 at 12:08 pmI’m one of the mommas that left a comment – and I just have to say – YES! I love my babies and I love watching them grow – and I also feel so excited for the day that I have my kids and their families around me – I’m one of four and I love being surrounded by my whole family!
At one point, a relative even told me that they were worried that their kids would get fewer Christmas presents from their granparents because the “budget” would be blown with my three!
We’re still talking about number 4 – and if we decide to have number 4, I already have some pretty good comebacks planned :)
Marjorie
October 17, 2011 at 12:20 pmWe just had our 3rd, a girl after 2 boys. My whole pregnancy everyone said “I hope this is a girl, this better be a girl, hope it’s not another boy.” I felt so pressured and hurt by those comments. It didn’t matter to us, boy or girl. We didn’t have a 3rd just to try for a girl. Now that we have her everyone says “You got your girl, now you’re done!” We plan to have 6 if God wills :0
You should have seen the comments on my blog when we announced I was expecting #3. People thought I was crazy (I have a 3 year old and 22 month old). The Bible calls children “riches” and they are my treasures. Have another when you’re ready and when it would be best for your family.
Sarah
October 17, 2011 at 1:25 pmI think you need lots more!!! Your children are so precious!! Seriously, children are such treasures and I’m pretty sure Jesus agrees! I have 3 who are all ages 3 and under…and it is awesome!!!!!!! I would totally be open to more in the future if God wills it for us! Hey, i amraising warriors for Christ, ya know??!
Cara
October 17, 2011 at 1:54 pmWe himmed and hawed for several months, thinking of having a third (we had two girls already). Finally one month we decided to give it a shot, if it didn’t work, no biggie. If it did, it was meant to be. It didn’t work. I was REALLY bummed, but then became perfectly content having my two beauties. However, guess what happened when we came back from vacation 4 months later??!!! Yep, we were blessed with another girl. I am SOOOOO happy to have my three girls. And if we were going to have another one (no we aren’t, and can’t, lol) I would want another girl:) You do what YOU feel is right!
Mrs. Howard
October 17, 2011 at 2:10 pmWe have three kids two-years-old and younger. Our story is a little long, but the shortened version is that we had our first son, then had a beautiful, precious little boy who went directly to Heaven, and then found out we were pregnant with twins. Now when we go places with all three, people say THE WORST things to us (e.g. “my condolences! I don’t know what I’d do with three. Did you just freak out when you found out you were having twins?!?”) and I want to shout at them. I am so blessed. So blessed. I can’t imagine my life without all three of them. Is it hard? Sure. But being a Mama to one was hard too. And there isn’t anything I wouldn’t give to have all four here with me too! Now when people say in a condescending tone, “Wow! You have your hands full,” I say, “And you should see how full my heart is!”
Anonymous
October 17, 2011 at 4:49 pmI am #3 so I am glad my parents had three and always wanted 3 myself. We have two currently and my in-laws are telling everyone we are done. Not sure when it became their decision! We plan to talk about it in another year.
L R
October 17, 2011 at 6:31 pmWe have two little girls under three, and I have been amazed at how many strangers assume that we are done at two. I feel that we are just getting started. I am blessed to “be fruitful.”
Anonymous
October 17, 2011 at 7:05 pmWell I’ll be announcing my pregancy with my 3rd shortly. Guess I will have to wait to see how that goes – yes it was a surprise and unplanned – but I couldn’t be more excited to add to our boy/girl combo. The more the merrier in my book.
Stitch a Wish Designs
October 17, 2011 at 10:41 pmI am way beyond baby bearing days, but seriously?? Who thinks they can give that sort of advice! Annoying and rude! We have 3, I always knew I wanted 3 in face. My husband grew up with 3 boys, me, 3 girls. 3 was the number I hoped that God would bless me with and he did and WE are BLESSED! Myah, our third is the sweetest, kindest, loving and sensitive little girl anyone could ask for and I thank the good Lord every day for each and everyone of our precious children. Don’t let the negative comments affect your decisions and your heart. Thank you for sharing, looking forward to updates! <3
Anonymous
October 18, 2011 at 12:21 amI’m one of your newest readers. I am also a granny. I’m old. I’m tired and my health is NOT what I would like. I’m about become the grandmother to my 4th grandchild. I know it will be a battle NOT to crawl in the crib with him and beg for my OWN bottle. I’m supposed to be the one going to help my daughter and son-in-law with their 2 yr old and the new baby next January. Instead part of me wants to ask for their help.
From my perspective of being an empty nester and having raised my own two, I would say these things to those of you who are young, feel the hormones screaming to have a baby….
1. Can you financially afford it? Diapers & formula aren’t cheap. I know I just paid for 2 years worth for the last grandbaby.
2. Are you finances in order for the LONNNNNNNNNNNNNG haul.
3. Is your health up to it?
4. Are you mentally up to it? I don’t believe that old question “oh what is one more?”.
5. Can you currently balance it ALL and add another child to the mix?
6. Are the grandparents up to helping you physically and financially?
7. Have you thought about how much it will take cost just to get to college age muchless college? OMG I have 2 in college now and it is CHOKING the very life out of us not to mention the other two grown children & 4 grandchildren we’d love to help out a little more.
8. How much are you willing to sacrifice to keep all the balls juggling? Don’t forget that you need to remain true to yourself, feed your own soul so that you can be a great parent.
I’m not saying do or don’t. I am just saying not to take it lightly, give yourself enough time to think through the coming years and how to manage it before you make a decision.
I don’t know any of you. I am just older and have already raised a family and I know that there will be great times as well as lean times, illnesses, family deaths, responsibilities for the kids schooling, extra cirricular activities, etc and somehow a husband and wife need to be investing in their own relationship while everything else is going on around them.
I’ve mentioned finances a lot. If you aren’t prepared and the grandparents can’t help, it can really create a lot of stress. My husband and I spend about $35,000 a year helping our kids & grandkids even with the college kids having full ride scholarships. ALL of them + spouses are working with full benefits too! This economy is HORRIBLE – the worst I’ve seen in my entire life (late 50’s) and it scares me to death that the day will come when we can’t help our kids. No one knows where this will end up for any of us.
All I am saying is think, plan, do your homework and if your household is ready to grow, go for it. Think with your head and not your hormones. You’ll never be sorry.
I would have 3 children of my own but I miscarried with one. Having the two step-kids is a blessing I didn’t expect.
Blessings to all who carry the torch for motherhood. Being a mom is all I ever wanted to be and I think my kids reflect my efforts. It helped that they were 10 years aparts too! :)
Evelien
October 18, 2011 at 2:19 amIt’s weird isn’t it? It always sounds like you should only have 1 boy, 1 girl and then stop having babies! What’s wrong with having 3 boys or 3 girls?!
Weirdness…
I’m not sure yet how many children we’d like :) But we’ll just trust God on this one!
Anne
October 18, 2011 at 10:21 amI have two beautiful boys and I can’t imagine life without them. When we announced that our second was a boy, people sighed in sympathy and said in a slow, droned voice, “So are you going to try for a girl?” I had not even given birth and ALREADY people were asking if we would try for a girl. On the flip side, my twin had a boy and a girl and when she announced #3 people asked her why. I quote “why do you need a third, you already have one of each.” ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY KIDDING ME?! The problem is that people who say those comments forget that they aren’t the ones who hold the grand master plan, God does. Who am I to say how many children I have and what sex each one of them is. God gave me two boys for a reason. Heck, if a third is in the plan, it may also be a boy and you know what, I am totally okay with that. I will raise my boys to be gentlemen, to be kind, to be rich in faith and not material things. I look at my 2nd son and think how could anyone not want you-how could anyone have told me that 2 boys isn’t what a “normal” family looks like. This is what MY family looks like, and I couldn’t be more proud.
Heather
October 18, 2011 at 12:33 pmIt is amazing how many people have an opinion about OTHER people’s lives, isn’t it? I personally would love to have a 3rd child, unfortunately we are just not financially in the position to do so, which saddens me greatly. We are all different, and in turn our families are all different as well. Do what is best for you. I just tell myself that those who are so negative must just be jealous! ;)
Francine
October 18, 2011 at 2:02 pmWow. It just breaks my heart to hear people say such negative things! I believe children (whether planned or not, no matter the gender) are always a gift! I know these years with small ones are hard, but they go so fast and will be gone before we know it! I’ve never heard anyone wish for less children, only regrets that they couldn’t/didn’t have more. We only have one (so far!!) but are so excited for whatever additional children God blesses our family with.
Dana Smith
October 19, 2011 at 10:06 amNatalie – I have three girls, 4 years apart oldest to youngest. My youngest was a complete shock, I was 17 weeks along before I knew. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. People were negative towards me when we told them we were having a third. Unless those people are helping you raise and support them they have no right to their view. When we had our third we decided that we now live in a state of semi-controlled chaos but I absolutely love it! Check out our blog to see stories of the smith sisters…www.smithsisterstories.blogspot.com.
Lane
October 19, 2011 at 8:57 pmThanks soooo much for sharing your thoughts on this subject! We only have one right now, but we want a few more! I don’t know how many exactly, but at LEAST two or three more. I have finally stopped telling people that we want at least four children. I get the WORST comments about it! It’s really sad. Thanks for being a positive voice!
Kristy
November 2, 2011 at 4:10 pmI am pregnant with #8. I’ve heard it all! I also work from home, so when I’m out and about I hear even more. Blow it off and do what is right for you, your husband and your spiritual beliefs.
vic3209
July 25, 2013 at 12:30 pmWe just found out I am pregnant after Doctors said that I would never be able to have children again. So yes complete suprise! I am 8 weeks today and i have a son that is 4.5 and a daughter that is 3.5. My son was born March 2nd 2009 and my daughter was born March 22 2012. Now this baby’s EDD is March 6 2014. I COULDNT BE HAPPIER!!! Of course after this i will probably have a hysterectomy since it is my 3rd c-section lol. And even this morning when i was bent over the toilet i couldnt stop smiling. I was meant to be a mommy. Even after the doctors telling me my ovaries have failed and i only had a 5% chance WITH help. Well God had other plans. :D
Amanda Dalton
January 30, 2015 at 9:26 amThanks to everyone’s comments I’m feeling better my husband and i just found out we are pregnant with #3 and I’ve had so many people come up to me with rude comments and i already have a boy and a girl so people have been saying ” why would you want more?” “why didn’t you stop?” “God told us to multiply but he did tell us to be stupid!!!” I know my baby is a blessing from God So thanks Again