The “A” Word.

January 31, 2014


I consider myself a very chill, non confrontational person (unless I’m very pregnant…
then it’s fair game that I might give you a death stare if you don’t use your turn signals.)
But I have found that there are just certain things that rub me the wrong way sometimes
and it makes me sad that others don’t react the same way.

I lost my best friend to a violent act of domestic violence.
It wasn’t till recently that I could watch any of those crime shows on tv.
I still can’t really watch ones when women are involved.
The last time I watched one of those lifetime movie network shows about a woman
who escapes an abusive relationship and then kicks the guy’s butt in the end…
was the worst idea ever.
It shook me. And it was a stupid movie. And the whole time I watched it I was like
turn it off.. turn it off.. you’ll just feel broken if you keep watching!

I feel like extra protective of women in general.
And I feel kind of like a complete failure that I haven’t done anything BIG to protect
more women. I don’t know if I’m ready to walk into a domestic violence center…
I feel weak when I think about it. Is that bad? Should I be ready or should I have
already ran in like the month after we lost shannon?
I know others did. I looked into doing it… but then I stopped the process.

Today on instagram, a very big company that I love and follow, posted a you tube video that
has gone viral.  It was a video of taylor swift during her grammy’s performance, getting kicked in the face by a character from street fighters..(she kept doing a wild head back motion in her performance and so they made fun of it)

ok.. I get it.. they though it would be funny to have her getting kicked in the head by this cartoon…
It’s a cartoon..I get it… Most people wouldn’t think anything about it I suppose.
But I feel extra sensitive when I see anything remotely violent towards women.

And then when I read one of their hashtags…. #hashtagabuse…..
It just made me have to say something.
And I did. But then I looked back about 1 minute later and there were
hundreds of comments of people laughing and tagging friends to watch.


It just made me feel weird.
and partially wondering if I’m just super sensitive to the “A” word.

It just feels like people don’t realize what that word can mean to people.
The struggle and nightmare they could be living in, in an abusive relationship.

I feel like we are supposed to be so politically correct and tolerant of people’s opinions and beliefs, but so often that courtesy is only given to certain things and people.

Oversensitive or not, but abuse towards women shouldn’t be joked about.
especially with a hashtag that says #hashtagabuse
#rantover

15
  • Anonymous
    January 31, 2014 at 1:38 am

    So true. Abuse is awful but unfortunately society seems to have decided that it is not news nor important anymore and people seem to have become desensitized to the word abuse. It is real, it is tragic, it is a daily occurrence on so many levels, so why aren’t more people jumping up and down and saying NO to abuse and supporting the women in our society. I think that you are doing great through your book and the awareness you have raised through the tragic loss of your friend Shannon. I also think sometimes women need to be more proactive with friends and family, talk to them honestly, notice their lives, get involved in good friendships so that hopefully the abuse can be seen and stopped and the woman safe and supported.

  • Em @ And Nothing Else Matters
    January 31, 2014 at 4:31 am

    You aren’t being overly sensitive. It’s just downright wrong. It’s making light of something serious, devastating and heartbreaking. Nothing about using the word abuse is lighthearted or humorous. Hugs to you xo

  • Leigh
    January 31, 2014 at 10:49 am

    I think if I had seen this video outside of this post I would not have thought anything of it. I certainly don’t think I would have liked it or shared it, but I don’t think it would have offended me. However, since I DID see it in this post and you said that they used #hashtagabuse (so inappropiate btw) I am offended by it or at least see the sensitivity of it. Thank you for reminding me to be sensitive to others.

  • Anonymous
    January 31, 2014 at 11:01 am

    I don’t disagree with any of this, but I think that #hashtagabuse is referring to the use of writing too many hashtags, “speaking” only in hashtags, etc. I understand your sensitivity to that particular word, but you can ‘abuse’ anything (chocolate for instance!), its not always tied to violence. It has various definitions, but broadly means the improper use of something.

    That being said, I can understand the reaction to this video or GIF. Perhaps showing Taylor Swift getting punched in the face, even by a cartoon, might be upsetting to her fans, or some women in general. But as a celebrity, I think she’s just an easy target for things like this, and people like to make fun…probably because they are jealous of her talent and beauty.

    I wouldn’t worry about whats being said in some corner of the internet somewhere, and focus more on lifting women up, inspiring, and helping those that need it.

  • taya v
    January 31, 2014 at 11:15 am

    I absolutely agree! Thank you so much for standing up to this and actually saying something about it. I agree that being ‘politically correct’ seems to only stand in certain situations. Cartoon or not, the video is inappropriate. Especially the hashtag! What’s worries me the most is people go along with the ‘joke’ and don’t seem to understand it’s hurtful to those who have experienced it (which is quite a few) and it’s just not funny. I very much admire your willingness to stand up for what you believe in. Thank you for sharing!

  • Hope Pedulla
    January 31, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    I agree. It makes me really sad when I think about what has become acceptable in our society. Ahh… I could go on and on… but I know you totally get it. It makes me scared for my kids though! They are going to have to be warriors for sure, especially in regards to standing up not only for what they believe in, but for truth (which is not always the easy road). #ineedtouptheprayers haha

  • Kelly
    January 31, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    I have read several posts on your sweet friend, Shannon; my heart breaks each and every time. This was such a cruel, heartless act of violence. My heart remains heavy for you, her children, her friends and family. However, I recently discovered that this violence occurred very close to my hometown, where I still live today. I remember reading about Shannon when this senseless act of violence first happened. I followed her story and prayed for justice for Shannon, her children, her family and all those that she loved. I am a recent follower of your blog and it took me awhile to realize that this was the same Shannon that I read about and prayed for. You bring such light to her life, thank you for sharing her story. It is nice to read about her life outside of the newspapers and such…you are an incredible friend. You do have a sweet angel looking over you. Brendankelly27@gmail.com

  • Andrea
    January 31, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    I totally agree with you. Some issues are not laughing matters. It actually bothers me to watch some old black and white movies which sometimes make reference to abuse (even “I Love Lucy” jokes about it). I am sorry about your friend.

  • Theresa
    January 31, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    Natalie,
    You’re 100% right! It’s not funny at all. It’s only joke to people who don’t understand how serious this is.

    While going into abuse shelters is important… there is also a huge battle in building awareness in the community. I think you are doing something big by sharing about Shannon so much on your blog, writing your book. It takes courage to do that. It takes courage to stand up and say that isn’t funny.

    You’re doing great! Thanks for being a voice even when its unpopular

  • Stacy Ann
    January 31, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    I completely agree. In my opinion, our culture laughs at abuse towards women and women don’t do anything about it. Many time guys will make rude and crude jokes and girls around them won’t stick up for themselves because they want to be liked by those guys. In reality they should just get up and walk away. This also pertains to abuse. Many times women won’t talk about it like it is a bad thing because they don’t want to be labeled as “that girl who doesn’t know how to take a joke” but it should not be a joke. Sadly as women we rather be loved than have respect when they should both go hand in hand. I’m sure if all of us women stood up we could take this world by storm.

  • Anonymous
    January 31, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    Thank you so much for address this Natalie! I completely agree with you. I myself am extra sensitive to “abuse” or when people make light of it/poke fun- BECAUSE IT IS NOT FUNNY. I lived a good part of my childhood and young adulthood dealing with it and can’t understand why people think it is ok to laugh or joke about it. I applaud you for standing up for women (and children, and people in general) and voicing how we need to stand up for what is right. THANK YOU :) -Kristen

  • etta
    February 1, 2014 at 4:07 am

    Thank you for always being so open and honest on your blog. I have never had a friend or family member suffer from abuse, but your strength is contagious and reading your posts about how you have come out of such a sad and dark place when you lost your best friend, that has helped me with other things in my life so thank you.
    I saw the video also, it was just dumb, not funny, and you weren’t the only that felt weird..it bothered me too.

  • EricaG
    February 1, 2014 at 9:26 am

    This is my first trip to your blog. What a lovely place. I saw this video and cringed. I realize it is just a silly cartoon, but I found it in poor taste as well. Ick.

  • Heather @ From Here to There
    February 1, 2014 at 11:38 am

    I think this is my first comment to ever leave on your blog. I’ve been a follower of House of Rose for a few months now and stumbled onto you and your blog through your business partnership with her. I also follow you on instagram and I’m a business minded person myself, so I’ve thoroughly enjoyed seeing your instagram posts about a new store front and the growing success of your business! I found my way onto your site just so I could read about the new space y’all found. Then I saw this post and decided to read it as well. I’ve been fortunate to not have abuse in my life. I don’t have a friend that I’ve lost due to it, I’ve never experienced it myself, yet it’s something that resonates deep within me. My heart breaks for women all over when I hear stories of physical and sexual abuse. I heard an amazing presentation at a conference by a girl who had been through an unbelievable amount of abuse as a child. She shared about the “green dot” method. Every where you see an act of potential violence, you can be the person to put a “green dot” in that spot. Instead of a “red dot” where danger or pain could occur. We can make that difference in our every day life. The example she gave was a pair of moms (with their children in tow) arguing about something in a Walmart parking lot. You could walk past it and ignore the situation (allowing a potential act of violence to occur) or you could be the “green dot” in that situation. Walk past and mention how cute their kids are (and they forget what they were even arguing about), let a security guard or cop know about the situation (so they can be alert and aware in case anything transpires)… you can always do something to alleviate the danger of violence occurring. We can choose to make a stand in every day life without having to do something BIG. There will be times where we look crazy though… because the rest of the world doesn’t see an issue in the same way, but if we can alleviate even just ONE case of violence because of our crazy, it’s worth it. If you ever do decide to do something BIG, I’d be happy to join you in the fight and if I ever decide to do something, I’ll be sure to let you know! I’m adding you to my “daily reads” on Bloglovin, I love keeping up with you and possibly the most adorable family I’ve ever seen on instagram and I’m a huge fan of House of Rose and the inspiration you both provide to women in general (not just mothers because I’m not a mother) so I have no doubt I’ll enjoy reading each and every day! :) Be a “green dot”!
    -Heather @ From Here to There (www.fromheretothere-blog.com)

  • Sophia A
    February 8, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    Agree with you Natalie. I love reading your posts about domestic violence. I actually am going through stalking/harassment right now…hard to deal with, especially when the authorities don’t do anything to help– until it’s too late. But, great post!
    Sophia from the happy mama blog (www.thehappymamablog.com)